Some pecularities of the comparative analysis of P.B. Shelley'’s "Cloud" and its russian translation by W. Levik

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some pecularities of the comparative analysis of p.b. shelley's “cloud” and its russian translation by w. levik

M. Yu. Volkova

Дніпропетровський національний університет імені Олеся Гончара

Стаття присвячена структурним, лексичним та семантичним особливостям вірша П. Б. Шеллі «Хмара» та його перекладу російською мовою, наданому В. Левіком. Розглянуто специфічні прийоми перекладу, використані перекладачем.

Ключові слова: поезія, персоніфікація, генералізація, опущення, додавання, рима, ритм.

shelley's cloud translation poem

Ключевые слова: поэзия, персонификация, генерализация, опущение, добавление, рифма, ритм.

The article is devoted to the structural, lexical and stylistic peculiarities of P. B. Shelly's “Cloud” and its Russian translation given by W.Levik. Specific devices used by the translator are scrutinized.

Key words: poetry, personification, generalization, omission, addition, rhyme, rhythm.

Nowadays translation becomes a dynamically developing sphere of human activity as a reaction to the main demands of the society and international relations in different spheres. The main sphere where the translation functions as real arts is the perception of the values in the process of dialogue of cultures and civilizations.

One of the most important methods of the translation is comparative method uses in the given article as the analysis of the form and content of the target language text translation in comparison with the form and content of the original (source language) text that gives a possibility to analyze typical difficulties of the translation connected with the peculiarities of the given languages and the elements of the original text which are not translated into the target language. Such an analysis helps to scrutinize the brightest peculiarities of the two works created in different languages, characterizes creative peculiarities of two individuals - the author and the translator, and helps to follow the canons which dominate in the artistic culture of the two languages in the period of the works creation, to estimate objectively the literary text translation quality [4, 262]. This demonstrates structural and semantic correspondence of the translation to the original or in other words of its adequacy.

Great many works by foreign and home scientists are dedicated to the given method. Such scholars as V. Komissarov, V.Vinigradov, G.Gachechiladze, I.Kashkin, V.Koptilov, S.Alekseev, Yu.Gurova, E. Maslennikova, J.Skugerevskaya stated the important role of the translated text analysis.

A specific feature of P.B.Shelley's poetry is a poetic language which is marked by regular and harmonic consequence of sounds. The author believes that poetry stirs up and enriches human's mind, hints to the real world's beauty. Thus the surrounding world becomes for him a source that reveals artistic individuality.

Poem “Cloud” belongs to that period of Shelly's life when he started to prefer realism. The poet's last years' lyric is dedicated to nature. His images become more true to life. His depicting of nature loses didacticism and becomes less abstract, more real, many-sided, alive and precise.

P. B. Shelly depicts nature with a deep philosophic and political sense. In the landscape there are neither gloomy tones of Byron's landscape nor sweet sentimentalism of lakists.

The poem has a definite structure, pair and non-pair lines differ from each other. Non-pair lines - thetrametres - are a combination of iambus and anapest. Thus, meter is not identical in every line which, in their turn, has a different length, and every of six parts includes different number of lines: the first and the sixth contain twelve, the second - eighteen, the third, the fourth and the fifth - fourteen lines.

We will try to give a comparative analysis of the original text by P.B.Shelly and its translation into Russian given by W.Levik. First that becomes obvious is the interest of the translator in the correct transformation of the poem in detail, he tried to create a variant which is close to the original according to the structure. The quantity of lines in every part is preserved but the quantity of syllables is preserved only partially. In the translation in line one there are 11 syllables, six in the second, nine in the third, four in the fourth, ten in the fifth, sis in the sixth, twelve in the seventh, eight in the eighth, eleven in the ninth, nine in the tenth, ten in the eleventh, seven in the twelfth. Thus, the rhyme scheme is preserved by the translator and the number of syllables didn't impact the verse sounding.

In the first part of the poem the narration is also given from the first person singular. Both inner and between-the-lines rhymes were preserved. The translator has some inaccuracy in the translation of the original text which is connected, to our mind, with the attempts to gain the accord with the source language text. For instance, in the given extract the first inaccuracy can be fount the third line: “I bear light shade for the leaves when laid”. In the translation it is “Даю прохладу полям и стаду” though there is nothing said in the original about fields and cattle. In line eight the translator omits the expression “as she dances about the Sun” changing it into “кружащейся в пляске Земли”. Not only the process of so called dance is important here but also the memories about the sun as an integral and mysterious part of the whole system, as the process of unity with the Earth.

In line two we can find disconnection of the original text and its translation again. W.Levik omits adjective “great” which depicts the mighty of the nature. A bit later the word “aghast” is changed by “во мгле” which does not fully corresponds. In the next line the author uses poetic shortening “ `tis”.

In the original text in lines three and four the author does not use the word “скала”. From the previous lines we understand what he meant and there is no need to repeat it again. In the translation it is marked by the fact that this cloud is sleeping “на дикой скале”. Thus, personification is used again. Further, when it concerns the lightning in Shelly's variant it is just sitting whereas in the translation it is waiting. The translation of two lines concerning the thunderstorm seems not to be adequate as well. The translator takes it in a grey cellar and “рвется в синий свод” but if to translate the poem word- for-word it is in the cave and “struggles and howls at fits”. In the original variant the Earth and Ocean and personified, they are living creatures and are called as though they have they names. Personification is considered to be one of the main stylistic devices of the given poem. But in the translation this feature is not preserved, its importance is diminished.

The brightest peculiarity of the poem is the author's use of a purple colour in the sea description. In general, this colour symbolizes power and belonging to the high strata of society. But love is a symbol of mighty and honesty, harmony of any kind. The translator neglects the given peculiarity. The author also uses a blue colour which is considered to be the colour of hope and harmony. It is interesting that the colour symbolizes the belonging to the high strata of society. Shelly connects it with the notion of the Paradise as all these characteristics can be connected with the place. In the translation these lines are simplified.

In the third part colours are mentioned sometimes and are connected with different notions. In line one we can find a bloody-red colour. In general, a red colour symbolizes the strength, high feelings, victory. Bloody-red mixed with an orange-yellow symbolizes passion, will power. These are characteristics that Shelly's sunset possesses. The author describes it as a bird, as a living creature.

To preserve the rhythm, W. Levik changes the word order of the fifth and sixth lines with the seventh and eighth ones. In line six the eagle flies but in the original text it sits. Further in the translation lava (face) appears which boils in the depth of the Earth. In the verse by Shelly only the earthquake is mentioned. The translator uses semantic development of the context. In the middle of the given part a crimson colour appears which is also a variation of red but with a blue colour added it makes the colour specific, individual, gives mildness and the love to the life. In the translation this colour is closer to the red one (“рдян, алый”), it is even brighter, more energetic, symbolizes passion, sometimes blood. In Shelly's verse the sunset is gradually goes down, in Levik's translation, on the contrary, it burns much more. He hyperbolizes the effect. Levik also changes the direction of “плащ” that is falling down: “Упал на берег морской”. In the original text the place of its falling is not mentioned: “From the depth of Heaven above”.

The author compares the cloud with a dove having rest in the nest using simile: “As still as a brooding dove”. And here we can find a detail that is translated differently into English and Russian. A word “brooding” has two meanings in Russian: “погружённый в раздумья” or “птица, которая высиживает яйца” but not “укрытый листвой”.

In line two P. B. Shelly remembers about people but they become just a definite background on which the author wants to describe the nature in brighter colours. He opposes a man and nature as mortal and immortal, nature as harmonic atmosphere, greater, more independent, something much better than a man who thus doesn't have a single chance to win. The translator omits this, interpreted this as a necessary step to preserve a rhyme and a rhythm of the poem. In Shelly's original the moon is personified. It is depicted as a girl, a living creature that has a name. In Levik's translation becomes a part of system, it is not specified.

Further there is a vivid difference in the feelings which the author causes. The author pays special attention to listening (“beat of her unseen feet”, “the angels hear”) whereas Levik makes the impact on the outer seeing (“незрим ее шаг, синий гонит он мрак”).

In the translation line seven is moved: it is one line upwards in order to preserve a composition. Sometimes the translator changes parts of speech in the translation: in line nine English noun “swarm” becomes a verb “роясь”. Instead of the word swarm in order to omit tautology in the Russian variant a hyperbolized word “миллионы” is used. In the last lines the author compares the beauty of water sources which reflects the surrounding luxury as a mirror with the depth of the night sky. Shelly depicted this so to give the reader a chance to imagine the vastness of the area as if there is nothing else on the earth but lakes, seas, rivers and endless sky.

From the first lines the translator starts to change the order of some words to preserve a poetic form. In the original text both the sun and the moon have their thrones that underline their importance but in the translation we have only one note: “Лик луны”. The translator comes to the given variant to omit tautology. P. B. Shelly in line two omits this word to reach the same goal. Thus both the author and the translator come to the same result but in different ways.

A girdle of pearl is changed by “золотая фата” that is incorrect as a pearl symbolizes the moon and gold corresponds to the sun. In their turn when “солнечный трон”^ spoken about, not “алый” but “огненный” colour would have been much accurate. There are some lines in the translation which were fully changed. But this fact does not lead to the full change of the sense but is naturally connected with the rest of the text. For instance, such a situation we can see in the following extract: “The triumphal arch, through which I march with hurricane, fire, and snow”, which is changed in the translation to “Под сияюще-яркой триумфальною аркой пролечу, словно шквал грозовой”. In the same part there is the expression which depicts the strength of the nature that nobody can submit: “Powers of the Air” and “неземные силы зыбкой стихии”. In the translation a word “зыбкий” demonstrates variability of nature, its inclination to constant changes that gives it a detailed characteristic.

This part is a logical ending of the poem. Firstly, we would like to underline the fact that in the original text a reader gradually tries to create the image of a girl. The main character of the translation is a creature which does not have any sex or is just named. If in the original we have “daughter”, in the translation the topic is omitted: “Жизнь дают мне”. As a result, there is a definite mysterious “I”. In the beginning of the given part W. Levik changes the line order but in the middle of the verse the structure corresponds the original.

As a result of the comparative analysis of W. Levik's translation and the original poem by P. B. Shelly we came to the conclusion that the translator avoids personification of natural sources without taking into account the fact that the author shows the nature as a real living creature. P. B. Shelly uses a rich colour and hues spectrum to create a brighter, more realistic picture of the world. In the translation sometimes the colours are just ignored, in some extracts a chosen hue is not correct. Sometimes it can influence the explanation and understanding of the given phenomenon. As a translator Levik reached the greatest success in reflecting the structure of the original text in his variant of translation. He aimed at preserving the poetic form, rhyme and a rhythm of the poem. Sometimes the translator had to cope with definite problems to overcome difficulties in order to reach structural unity and to preserve the context of the poem. Levik was successful in transferring the dynamics of the text, depicting constant life circle. Trying to preserve a metric and compositional unity, the author sometimes ignores some elements, sometimes invents new ones which are not represented in the original text.

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